Friday, 13 April, 2007
I normally don't believe in all the "Friday the Thirteen" stuff but today was pretty s***ty... Sorry, but I can't think of any other word... Maybe 'cos of SYF yesterday and us bandies are affecting everyone else's moods and the class was pretty sombre today... But all everything that happened today didn't raise my spirits one bit... And I already was feeling exhausted when I woke up...
About SYF... We went there with high hopes, played, got our seniors' compliments, and left with a silver, hopes dashed... And many the band members crying... I don't know why, but I couldn't cry out... For someone who's overly sentimental and cries even when watching Titanic the third (or forth, I can't remember) time, I didn't shed a single tear... I really, really don't know why... Tears did swell up in my eyes on several occasions, from the moment the results were announced up till today morning, but they didn't fall... How ironic it was, that when I stepped out of SCH, I realised it was raining heavily... It was more or less clear earlier in the morning... It almost seemed that the tears I didn't cry went to the sky and fell as rain... I mean, I had really wanted to cry... Out loud, never ending, hard... But somehow, when I took a look at all those who were around me, their eyes red, swollen, or still sobbing, I just couldn't cry... And then Tanya asked me to tell her frankly whether she screwed up her solo... Oh gosh... How much pressure she was under... Tanya, I'll tell you again-- you didn't screw up, you played even better than in band pracs, so don't even try to start blaming yourself for anything...
Its not like I'm not sad or anything... I'm heartbroken, I'm disappointed, and it felt like all my/our energy and efforts were wasted... It felt like the 1+ years we spent preparing was in vain... I felt horrid... On the exact same day 2 years ago, we got a silver... It was just history repeating itself... And I played too, 2 years ago... Heard the exact results, too... Except that then, I was sec 2, the youngest in the section and now I'm the SL... But like then, the bus was extremely quiet on the way back... The only bout of laughter sounded foreign, and died down almost immediately...
I forgot to bring my change of school uniform (except white shoes, which I came in) , so after we were dismissed, I borrowed a skirt that was slightly too small from the PR, a jacket that was too large from Lydia (thanks), changed into them (wearing the jacket over my band blouse, duh) and went shopping with Hui Min and Shu Ying at Heartland Mall... Don't know why, but I felt better after that...
I may not be joining band in JC, cos of my allegy to something (I don't know what) on/in the eupho, so this may very well be the result of the last band SYF I participate in... We'll see...
But I'll still like to thank everyone who encouraged, played with or consoled me-- [thanks]